The Night Club experience is arguably about getting laid, despite all the times you’ve gone and ended up blue-balled and lonely by the end of the night. Hey, we can’t all be super studs like ThePornDude, but it’s all good. This next site will help you get those rocks off even if you’re still striking out at the club downtown. It might cost you a little cash, sure, but so would the drinks if you left the house tonight. Anyway, this place doesn’t have a doorman who’s going to give you shit about the dress code, and nobody’s going to kick you out for whipping out your dick and giving yourself a little self-love.
Nightclub.eu is a video-on-demand site that claims to have the largest selection of German porn. Pretty much every adult site on the Internet claims to have the biggest and best selection, so I’m definitely going to have to check it out for myself. They do get a quarter of a million visitors a month, though, which tells me there’s at least something to their claims. Let me lube up and we’ll see what all these perverts are shaking their bratwurst at.
No Shit, Just a Ton of Porno
As an American, I’ve heard some pretty weird-ass stereotypes about Germans over the years. For one thing, I heard you all really love David Hasselhoff. Another odd rumor I’d heard a number of times over the years is that Germans love scat porn. As a full-time porn reviewer, though, I’d say that isn’t true. Germans might love the Hoff, but I’ve yet to see anybody scarfing down a turd on any of the mainstream German adult sites I’ve reviewed here at ThePornDude.
Case in point, Nightclub.eu’s landing page, where I see nary a shit-scarfing hottie or poop-smeared slut. Instead, I see a nice, diverse range of hardcore porno. There are women riding dudes’ faces and other girls riding on men’s dicks. I see teens stroking off studs and MILFs getting raw dogged in the office. Sexy babes swallow cock, finger their buttholes, fuck their lesbian girlfriends, and get drenched in sperm all over the front page. There’s even some extra-kinky fetish material like pregnant chicks getting banged, sex-addicted grandmas, huge BBWs literally smashing guys, and a BDSM flick where a ball-gagged chick gets her asshole stretched out.
Most porn sites tile their front page with thumbnails from the movies, but Nightclub.eu’s got a more old-school approach. They’re streaming movies, but they’re presented in DVD format. In fact, one of the perks listed in the corner of the screen is that they have over 20,000 DVD pornos and 5,500 hardcore scenes. That’s why they have DVD covers instead of random screengrabs of cock smoking and pole riding.
One of the big advantages of this setup is that you can get porno from a ton of major studios, all in one place. The full list of studios stretches on for one full, long-ass page, and includes a lot of my favorite brands. You can find reviews of hundreds of their websites here at ThePornDude, and hundreds of their movies on Nightclub. On the front page alone, I see fuck flicks from Rocco Siffredi, Penthouse, BangBros, TexasBukkake and Private, just to name a very small handful.
It goes without saying that if they’ve got content from so many major brands, you can almost certainly find all your favorite pornstars on Nightclub. Their Pornostars page is a big, thumbnailed index of world-famous video whores like AJ Applegate, Mia Khalifa, Riley Reid and Alexis Texas. You can even find some of the chicks I’ve banged over on the PornDudeCasting couch, like Natasha Nice, Lauren Phillips and Katie Morgan.
How Do You Like to Buy Smut?
I clicked on a DVD cover for BangBros - I Banged Your Daughter 2. The product page lists some pornstars like Bailey Brooke and Holly Hendrix, as well as genre tags like Blond, Oral, POV and Family Taboo. Below that are some purchase and rental options. One of Nightclub’s gimmicks is that they have multiple ways to pay for the smut. You can loan the movie for 30 days, buy it outright, or join Nightclub Unlimited to get unrestricted access to a whole fucking ton of smut. They label the Unlimited Membership as their Best Choice, and I’d have to agree.
I had to create an account to see any of the prices. While I was on the quick signup page, I noticed a few perks listed. Some of them I’ve already mentioned, like the 20,000 movies on the menu, but others I didn’t know about yet. One of the good ones is that they’re adding at least ten daily updates. I like my paysites to have at least one a week, so these guys are really hooking up. Another massive perk is that new members get five free movies just for registering, which is more than enough to get a bunch of you cheapskates in the door.
One of the things I really like about Nightclub is that you get those free movie credits even if you don’t enter your credit card info. A lot of sites promise freebies, but not until they get you on the hook for a membership that’s going to autobill after your trial. The signup page here says all users get access to their free live sex webcams, but that ain’t quite true. Later, I tried watching without a paid account and they sent me to the payment page instead.
Once I got signed up, they shuffled me along to the purchase page so I could finally see those prices. It’s 15 euros to buy the flick, or 6 euros to rent it for the month. Honestly, though, it’s kind of silly to buy or rent individual movies from Nightclub.eu once you look at the Unlimited membership price.
At 13 euros a month, it’s cheaper than buying that BangBros movie, and it’s cheaper than most premium porn sites on the Internet. Holy shit, that’s about half of what your typical American paysite costs, and you’re getting way more content and faster updates than most paysites out there. The only ones out there that even come close are the bigger networks like TeamSkeet that have dozens of brands under their umbrellas.
Cashing In on Those Freebies
I stopped by the front page after I got my free movie credits. There were a lot of tempting flicks, but I ended up choosing a parody film near the top of the screen. Suicide Squad XXX: An Axel Braun Parody is a two-hour flick that loaded in a video player after I entered my confirmation code. If I have one complaint about the site, it’s that they have a really fucking lackluster baked-in video player. It’s extremely basic, without any advanced features like playback speed control. You can adjust the resolution, but that’s it. This is a long movie on a site that presents them all as DVDs, so how come there’s no easy way to jump to specific scenes? I’m running a much smaller operation at PornDudeCasting, but even I’ve got buttons to jump to your favorite sex acts.
At least it streams well. After some intro screens, the camera shows us a pornstar (Kleio Valentien) in a Harley Quinn getup. She wakes up in a padded room, and a couple minutes later, she’s fucking Asa Akira. The production values are high as fucking hell, but that’s less of a reflection on Nightclub and more on the fact that this movie is from Wicked Pictures. Nightclub.eu simply provides an extremely efficient delivery vehicle for it.
I’d definitely recommend it, though. It’s pretty fucking rad that new users get full-length freebies with no strings attached, and this movie is definitely worth using one of your credits. I love the look on Kleio’s face as Asa eats her asshole out. That’s one freaky girl!
Those freebies alone make Nightclub.eu worth a visit at least, but I have a feeling you might stick around even after you fap your way through the free samples. The catalog is deep and dense, with thousands of porno movies, thousands of pornstars and hundreds of porno categories. They’re technically a VOD site, but the Nightclub Unlimited membership represents one of the better values in premium porn subscriptions. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a free Abella Danger movie to watch.
