Herzog Videos! One of the worst things a porn fan can do is confine themselves to one solitary international producer of smut for their entire lives and not venture further afield to find out what kinky shit is going on internationally. After all, the kind of porn you often see coming out of North America is only the tip of the iceberg and the good people of europe also have a lot of sheer filth to throw your way.
Shit, Europe is a big place and every country can vary dramatically in terms of the kind of sleaze it can produce whether it's the downright sleazy endeavours coming out of the United Kingdom, the boundary pushing filth being turned out by the Hungarians and Czechs, or the quintessentially hardcore debauchery that comes out of good ol’ Germany.
Yeah, Germany is definitely a country that tends to hold the lion’s share of the porn reputation when it comes to mighty Europe and it has been well earned. The thing is, though, a lot of people take a look at the modern world of German porn and fail to realise that this is a country with porn heritage coming back decades upon decades. But where do you see all the old-school German filth from days gone by? I hear you ask!
Well, as a man who has a love for retro perversion in all of its forms just as much as I appreciate the more modern forms of smut, it's safe to say I know all of the sticky corners with the Internet to find vintage porn and the German variety is no exception. Today, a site called Herzogvideos.com has landed in my lap, and I want to subject it to a no-holes-barred review.
What is Herzogvideos.com?
Let's get something straight, Herzogvideos.com has nothing to do with Werner Herzog at all, so don't expect anything about Nosferatu or Jack Reacher here, my friends! No, what it is
is a premium porn site that brings you some classic retro perversion from across Germany and its portfolio goes back to the 70s, 80s, and 90s!
Now, creating a collection of properly vintage German porn is no easy task because digitising all of these old school pieces of smut for the modern age is a time consuming affair that can turn your hair as great as the pubes of a 70-year-old German granny who still frequents her local swingers parties every night.
So, you'll have to pay for the privilege of accessing it in full. In terms of cost, you can expect to pay between $10 and $30 a month, depending on whether you go for the month-to-month membership or go all in with an annual package.
What’s the Retro German Porn Like on Herzogvideos.com?
But next it's time to see whether Herzogvideos.com is really the German porn Time Machine we've all been dreaming of for so long. And to find out, I want to take a look at some of the most popular pieces of retro German porn it has within its collection.
Mountain Girls and the Tourist - This porno takes us deep into the mountains of Bavaria and, if you look closely in the background, you'll see the infamous eagle’s nest which was once the mountain retreat of the Fuhrer himself! But this is no World War II documentary, my friends; it's a retro jam and porno that follows the adventures of an American tourist gallivanting around the Bavarian Alps and meeting fresh-faced German maidens who are dressed in the traditional Bavarian attire that you'd usually see on Oktoberfest. Now, these blonde girls with their hair in pigtails might look like your classically innocent village chicks but this dirty American fella knows all of the sexual secrets needed to transform them into the kind of rampant fuck dolls they have always dreamed of being and he saunters around the Alps putting his dick in every single blonde German pussy he can find!
Domination Bizarre - Yeah, the Germans today might have an infamous reputation for being proficient in the art of BDSM and fetish fun. Still, it's a notoriety that goes back to sheer decades this naughty little retro German porn movie shows you exactly how true that is! Sure, it’s nowhere near as hardcore as some of the modern female domination movies you come face-to-face with these days but it is a gloriously old school look into the kind of kinky mayhem that the Germans have been up to in years has gone by and some glorious fetish outfits are being worn in this movie. My favourite aspect of it, though, is a German girl pressing herself up against a caged dungeon wall with her tits pressed through the metal grids in some of the most aesthetic way imaginable.
The Caravan Club - The Germans tend to love a camping holiday and never miss out on a chance to spend a summer weekend out in nature. Now, when you see what goes on in this German porno, do you quickly understand exactly why! This is a retro German XXX movie that revolves around a bunch of blonde bitches who hire out a caravan every year to ride every single cock on the caravan site that they can find. It's safe to say that, despite the caravan being tiny, they always find the space to hold a soaking wet orgy every single night and it's always the kind of classic German debauchery you love and adore.
Design of the Site
Herzogvideos.com kicks off with the kind of logo that reminds you of the thing you see popping up right before you'd watch an old school porn DVD and it fits the vibe of the site. After this, you'll see a main menu which takes you to the site homepage, a portfolio of all of its videos, and buttons to log in or sign up. If you want to translate this site between English and German, you can do so using the translation menu up here, too.
Woah, what a fuckin’ hero section we have here guiding you into the homepage. While I would much rather see a dedicated studio trailer providing a compilation of short but sweet scenes from this porn platform, you do get a gorgeous collage of screenshots from some of its most notorious porn remastered and it does grab you by the balls from the start.
From there, Herzogvideos.com introduces you to three selections of movies based on trending, top-rated, and suggested titles. You'll see a call to action reminding you of some of the benefits you'll get if you sign up as a member of the site. Below, you’re introduced you to all the categories of retro German porn films found on the platform, all displayed via a horizontal slideshows that are pretty easy to navigate overall.
What I Like Most About it
What a gloriously honourable porn mission Herzogvideos.com has in mind here, my friends! After all, if it wasn't for sites like this, many of the gloriously kinky retro German movies from days gone by might have been lost to the sands of time forever. I just love that this site has taken the time and effort to compile a meaty collection of old-school German filth that is well worth beating your meat over, even in this day and age.
Like many sites in this network, Herzogvideos.com hasn't sidestepped the importance of a translation menu and has added a set of buttons to the very top of the site, where you can switch between German and English to cater to a broader international audience who wanna enjoy some of these Deutschland porn gems from days gone by.
The design of the site is also decent, and you find it easy to navigate because it's laid out in a classically neat German format and feels very well-organized overall. However, there is one thing that I feel is missing from the site, and it's something I want to cover in the next part of the review.
What I Don’t Like
It quickly becomes clear that Herzogvideos.com isn't gonna give you much in the way of trailers of its scenes because, quite naturally, it's pretty damn hard to make trailers for all these old school German porn movies. However, that doesn't mean they can't create a studio trailer to sit at the top of the homepage and introduce people to the quality of the remastering and the kind of experience they'll get if they sign up as a premium member.
Suggestions I Have for Herzogvideos.com
My only suggestion for Herzogvideos.com is to come up with a studio trailer that compiles a selection of highlights from some of the most popular porn scenes and allows people to enjoy the wank-worthy sights and sounds of the remastered German retro smut as well as got an idea of the kind of old school perversion they're gonna be coming face-to-face with after signing up.
Conclusion
So, can Herzogvideos.com provide us with a virtual time machine that brings us back into the German porn days of old? Well, if you take a look at some of the remastered filth within this collection, you will more than likely agree. This is a premium porn site that doesn't come for free, but it does have a lot to deliver for fans of old school smart, that's for sure.
