Sometimes it's hard to believe these are real websites, am I right? AsianSuckDolls, that's a name. You would think that you don't even need a review for this shit, it's all in the name. And yet, I have so much to babble about. You know me, I'll always find something to complain about, or at the very least drone on like you care. I like to think that no one really cares about what I put in these reviews, and yet I always go way out of my way to figure out all the nitty-gritty little details. You know I do research for this crap? Anyways, AsianSuckDolls markets itself as a premium porn site that regularly brings in new videos for you to enjoy. Namely, these are videos of Thai girls, that is, girls from Thailand, who like sucking cocks and eating pussy.
Chicks Lie About Their Age, Well This Website Does it Too!
At first glance, the website's pretty hot. I like what I see. I mean, I like Thai girls. And I like a woman who knows how to suck a cock. You would think that this place would be a natural fit for me, and yet I can't stop complaining. Alright, pop quiz. What bothers me the most about AsianSuckDolls? Go to the videos on the homepage and give them a quick glance. Do you notice something strange? Keep in mind, this place markets itself as a website that constantly has new videos. New. Do you see it? Oh alright, I'll give you the answer. These videos are fucking ancient! They might be uploaded fresh, but they are not fresh. This shit is prehistoric. How do I know?
Well, most of the videos that I saw, including the fucking trailer for some goddamn reason, were released in a 4 by 3 aspect ratio. That's right, 4 by 3, like we used to have on old television sets, back in the stone age. Half of you don't even remember that time. Tell you the truth, I kind of miss it. We were living in a very horizontally obsessed society nowadays. Sure, you get more field of vision, but if we keep going down this route, eventually we're going to replace all our monitors and television sets with horizontal strips that go end to end across our whole rooms, but are only like an inch in verticality. Or maybe I'm getting too technical about it.
Either way, it's proof that these videos are old ass shit, and that's a bit of a problem for me. If the website marketed itself as a retro one-stop shop for tight blowjobs, then I'd have no problem. I'd have nothing to complain about. There's nothing wrong with old porn. Old porn is as good as new porn, okay? As long as the cocks are real, and the boobs are fake, and the girls are holding their breasts long enough, it works. It just works. Hell, I sometimes fap to retro porn. Ain't nothing wrong with that. Some of the classics are just irreplaceable. But this place, AsianSuckDolls, really wants you to believe that they're bringing you fresh content that you should be paying a premium for.
The Paywall Is a Disappointment
None of this shit is free. Yeah, sure, you get 20 seconds of a free preview in the trailer, but then you get paywalled immediately. If you want to see anything else, you have to at the very least pay for a trial, and I don't mean the $3 kind of trial where you get three days to preview. No, no, no, you have to pay them 20 bucks for the whole month, and then if you want to keep watching, you add another $30 for the next month. That's right, it goes up over time. But then it goes down if you pay for a three-month premium, and it's 25 bucks a month, and then it goes down to $15 a month in a one-time payment for the whole year. In other words, it's bullshit. It's bullshit, and you shouldn't stand for it.
Clean Girls, No Bullshit, All Fucking
It's not about whether or not the girls deserve the money. They're not going to see any of this money. They were paid a long time ago. Hell, half of these girls are probably dead by now. I mean, if these videos were recorded in the heyday of 4 by 3 aspect ratio porn, they're probably in their 50s. You know what I mean? They're probably dead from too much suckage by now. This shit happens. It's likelier than you think. So what does that leave us with? Is there anything to love? Well, sort of. The girls are hot, really hot, and for a bunch of retro porn stars, they like to keep things clean-shaven. That really surprised me. Girls weren't really clean-shaven back in the early 2000s.
And in the 90s, oh boy, I remember it like it was yesterday. It was bush to bush. You couldn't leave the house without a machete. It was a nightmare. But these Thai girls are indeed clean-shaven through and through. I don't think I saw a single bush on this website. Now, that's impressive. Also, given that these girls are all Thai, you would think that with the notoriety of Bangkok being the home of transgender babes, that some of these girls at least would be trans. But no, go, Joe. These girls are all cis. All day, every day, proper pussies. Not to imply that transgender pussies aren't proper. You know what I mean, okay? Some guys just really aren't down with the trans thing, and you can't fault them for that.
So How Do I Feel About All This?
Me? I don't care. As long as a girl takes my cock in her ass, what difference does it make what she's got in the front? And if she swallows, what difference does it make what she has under the belt, right? But not every man is as enlightened as me, okay? Some dudes care way too much about the humble beginnings. I'm surprised they don't card the women they sleep with. Well, let's not get carried away. Back on point. AsianSuckDolls, premium website, expensive price tag. Is it worth it? Not really. Look, if this shit had any promise of proper new content, I'd be singing praises. And it is indeed part of a network. You're not just paying for AsianSuckDolls; you're also paying for Asian Sibian, Creamed Cuties, Creampie Cuties, Creampie Thais, and more.
Point is, all of these websites are old. I remember Trixie Swallows, and I remember Sexy Teen Amanda. These are old ass chicks. I mean, they're young in the videos, but they're old now. You know what I mean? Careers came and went a long time ago, and I didn't think I'd be seeing them again on a supposedly fresh porn site. It's the misdirect that gets to me. If they had told me that this was a retro site right from the get-go, then I'd be okay with it. But they didn't. They peddle this shit like it's new, and then I have to figure out after I've arrived, after I've combed through the content, that it's actually ancient.
A Retro Premium Experience
Old new videos. That’s now a thing. The girls are young, or, rather, they were young when the videos were made. The quality is… well, it’s a mixed bag. Low resolutions, clear video recordings. High quality sucks and fucks and some of the hottest babes from back in the day. These babes are all gorgeous and petite, and they really know their craft. They know how to take a cock on camera. They know how to turn you on.
The ultimate decision on whether or not you should be getting a premium subscription really does boil down to your personal preference and whether you like these particular Asian suck and fuck dolls. They’re all very attractive, sure, but they have niche vibes. Niche body shapes and all that. You need to ask yourself whether these are the kinds of girls you want to yank your dick off to. If the answer is yes, well, you know how to sign the fuck up, don’t you? It’s all very straightforward. As for the novelty and the promise of new incoming videos, well, you can expect all of those to be ancient as well. Chances are, if you’ve had your thumb on the industry for a long time, you’ll recognize the new videos because they’ve been around for decades. If not, well, it’ll all come as a surprise.
