Legs Ultra! There's a ton of crazy shit you dick-stroking degenerates fuck with out there, and I've seen it all. Some of you sick strokers get off on the most diabolical, twisted porn the internet can shit out — think tentacle hentai or whatever fucked-up fetish keeps your dick twitching. But then, sometimes, you horny assholes surprise me with shit so vanilla it's almost wholesome. Some dudes live for big, juicy asses — Evil Angel masturbation material — featuring fuckers like Mike Adriano, known for burying his face in some chick's crack and stretching that asshole to a new goddamn zip code.
Well, the site I've got for you cock-jerkers today isn't about that shit at all. All this site cares about is legs — this is Legs Ultra! Do you dudes remember that shitty Christmas movie, A Christmas Story? Do you remember the scene where the dad ordered the leg lamp? He was so fucking proud of it that he couldn’t take his eyes off that glowing goodness the whole movie, admiring it like a goddamn sexbot or some shit! This site's for precisely those types of perverts. And I get it — legs are part of the whole sexy package — the glorious gates before you reach that sensational snatch, but these leg-loving pervs take it to another goddamn level!
They have all types of models with silky smooth legs, like skinny, petite chicks that look like their legs would snap if you spanked their thighs too hard. They even have thick, meaty thighs on PAWGs that could crush your skull, and you'd fucking thank her. Then there are the fit gym chicks who'd out-squat your sorry ass without breaking a sweat with that toned, fit, and fuckable vibe. These models will make you want to lick from the ankle to wherever she lets you stop, and that's where Leg Ultra thrives. I also noticed that these chicks aren't your A-list porn queens — no Sasha Grey or Angela White here, you horny bastards!
Hell, these are more like randoms that some sleazeball flagged down like, "Hey, babe, want to model those sexy stilts? Maybe flash an ass cheek or two, but no spreading required." And these broads were like, "Fuck it, I'm in." Some might look familiar, but don't expect me to clock them — this isn't hardcore, face-fucking territory that I usually fap with. It's the opposite, softcore as a teasing handjob while making out that never finishes you off. But the more I scroll these long-limbed hotties, the more my dick's like, "Shit, I want to see these bitches fuck!" And then it hits me — there's something here. If I'm feeling it, you horny fuckers will too!
Mobile/desktop functionality & first impressions of Legs Ultra
Here's what you can expect regarding the design of Legs Ultra and more on who I think this shit is for. Legs Ultra isn't for you gonzo gooners out there, pounding your meat to hardcore anal pile drivers and facials. Legs Ultra is a softcore niche joint for jerking off, serving up nothing but goddamn legs, even if they do it in a way that'll make any wanker pop a stiffy. It's simple as hell compared to those flashy porn palaces you're used to. I'm not saying it's some outdated piece of shit, but it kind of looks like it was slapped together by some old-ass geezer who's been cranking out strip club sites since the early 2000s.
You know the type — a chain-smoking, whiskey-breath bastard who mumbles, "Simple design does the trick," while he's half-hard over his work. I think aesthetically, it's boring as fuck, but if you're a leg-obsessed pervert, you're not going to give two shits about that. So, let's run through this bitch. At the top, you've got the Legs Ultra logo screaming, "Sexy, shapely legs," and goddamn, they deliver on that promise — you'll see soon enough. Right under that, there's a menu: Main, Previews, Members, FAQ, Contact, and Links. Main takes you to the homepage, and previews are where the teasing starts.
Click that, and you get a minute-and-40-second video of chicks doing all kinds of shit like stretching, lounging, hoisting those stems up in high heels, and rocking short dresses that barely cover their goods. These broads switch outfits like they're auditioning for your wet dreams: office chicks flashing calves and thighs that'd make you beg to be their assistant and even babes in neon lingerie that'd make you think you were seeing Magic City dancers. You'll even see hotties rubbing their oil-slicked legs together like some softcore lesbian foreplay. Shit gets slippery, but don't get your hopes up — that's as far as it pretty much goes here, fuckers!
Next up is the Members tab. Click that and go straight to the "Join Now" page. Hit "Join Now," and you'll end up on a form asking for your details and how they'll suck your card dry — I'll spill the membership cost later, so have that wallet ready. Then there's the FAQ, which covers the shit you're probably wondering, like, "What do I get as a member?" I'll go ahead and answer for you fuckers: you get all the photos and vids on the main page and sets page, and even older videos and sets often get re-uploaded.
Another common question is, "What shows up on my credit card?" It usually shows up as CCBill — yep, that porn billing classic. Unless your wife is secretly flicking her bean to her own smut stash, she won't know jack shit about it. The contact tab is next, where you can hit up the billing folks or the site directly if you've got beef. Regarding the links, it's just a page of other sites they're probably in bed with — affiliate bullshit. The homepage itself just gives you gooners galleries — locked away until you pay up, but it teases the fuck out of you with sets of vids and pics you'll get once you're in!
How much does Legs Ultra cost to join?
Regarding what this shit will run you, they have two options for payments; you can grab 30 days for $29 recurring until you tell them to fuck off, or you could pay $69 for 90 days upfront. You can pay as a guest if you are just dipping your dick in or set up a full-on CCBill account if you are ready to settle down with these long-legged ladies. They are going to ask for some basic shit — first name, last name, email, billing address. Don’t freak out, fuckers; they’re not mailing your bill. Don't worry, this site is pretty damn secure, and remaining discreet is one of their top priorities for you pervs!
The pros & cons of Legs Ultra
This site is a goddamn leg paradise, serving up every type of stem your perverted brain could fantasize about. They continuously update the site with new models and even bring back old ones from back then so you can see their archive of ankles, calves, and thighs. You have skinny petite twigs that look like supermodels, thick-ass babes that could strangle a man and make him call it a happy ending, and those fit, toned beauties that scream, "I could kick your ass, and you'd tip me for it." It is pure, unfiltered leg worship, just like their slogan — "sexy, shapely legs."
They promise, and goddamn, they deliver with chicks who could make any stiff dick salute regardless of how vanilla it is. Plus, the price isn't that fucking bad, either — $29 for 30 days or $69 for 90 is a steal for this many lusty legs. Still, Legs Ultra is not perfect. The biggest kick in the nuts is the most noticeable thing about the site — you aren't going to see any sex here, so if you are expecting balls-deep pounding or even a quick finger-bang, you are shit out of luck. It's vanilla as hell, aimed square at those oddball motherfuckers who dream about thigh jobs (without seeing it) while the rest of us are chasing titty fucks or a sloppy rimjob.
This site is so focused on legs it might as well come with a ‘no pussy allowed’ sign. You'll be lucky to catch a fully exposed ass cheek, let alone anything that'll make you bust a nut hard enough to hit the ceiling. Suppose you are not one of those leg-obsessed freaks who gets hard over thick thighs without seeing much else. In that case, you will probably scroll for five minutes, yawn, and bounce back to something with more action. For you gonzo gooners who need your porn to slap you in the face with cumshots, pussy-pounding, ass-fucking, and moans, this shit will feel like a tease, leaving you blue-balled and bitching for more!
Join Legs Ultra today!
Suppose you get a raging hard-on from a chick's fit calves flexing in heels; in that case, this site might be just the tease you fuckers need.
You won't find any hardcore fucking or throat-gagging glory here — this is for the softcore-loving weirdos who think an oiled-up pair of legs is sexier than a sloppy blowjob, and honestly, good for you, you vanilla freaks. If only I could cum as quickly as you cock-jerkers who will end up subscribing to this shit, but at this point, I need a lot more to satisfy my sack! The site might look like some old strip club vet built it during a bourbon bender, but if you are cool with that and want to worship a babe's body without breaking the bank, it is a no-brainer for that big dick of yours!
