Ally Kirser! Look here, degenerates, today we’re diving into the abyss of depravity that is the world of VTubers. That’s right—fake anime chicks getting naked, fake moaning into microphones, and fake everything else. If you’re into that, grab a seat and enjoy. But let me tell you right now, I’m not into it. I’m here for the real deal: real pussy, real chicks, real moans, and real orgasms. None of this pixelated nonsense. I want a titty in my face, not on a goddamn screen. And don’t even get me started on the dystopian hellscape that could be our future. Imagine this: every porn video, every amateur blowjob tape, every professional DP scene is wiped off the face of the earth. The government? Gone. Laws? Don’t exist. All we have left are VTubers, fake-ass anime chicks waving their digital tits around while whispering in high-pitched voices about how much they “love your big, strong cock.”
I’ll say it—this is how the apocalypse starts. Forget climate change, forget wars. It’s VTubers. One day, they’ll take over every porn site, and the next thing you know, all you’ve got is 3D waifus fake-blushing while you try to jack off to “kawaii moans.” You’ll be sitting in your basement, crying over your fleshlight, begging for just one real clip of Riley Reid or Angela White, but nope! That archive’s been burned. All you’ve got is AleKirser here giggling like a schoolgirl while her avatar waves at you. Is this what you want? Is this the future you’re voting for when you throw $15 a month at her Fansly? You might think it’s cute now, but wait until your great-grandkids can’t even spell the word “MILF” because all they know is “anime mommy.” Sickening.
And let’s not ignore the moaning. Oh, the moaning. Nothing screams “sexy” like someone who sounds like they’re choking on helium while pretending to have an orgasm. Is this what gets your rocks off now? Is this what we’ve come to? Porn is supposed to be raw, real, and sweaty, not this sanitized, neon-lit anime bullshit. What happens when you finally hook up with a real woman, and she doesn’t sound like Hatsune Miku having a meltdown? Will you even know what to do? Or will you just ask her to “put on the cat ears and say nyan-nyan” while you cry about your lost 2D waifu? God help us all.
ThePorndude Does Smut
Now, I’ll admit—there’s not much to say about AleKirser. She doesn’t really do much sexually explicit content, unless you count her Reddit posts on r/gonewildaudio. Yeah, apparently, she writes smut. SMUT. Am I supposed to sit here and critique her erotic wordplay like some horny English professor? “Ah, yes, the way she described his throbbing cock as ‘thicker than a tree trunk’ was truly Shakespearean.” Nah, fuck that. I have a better idea. Why not let me—ThePorndude—write smut instead? That’s right, ladies and gentlemen, I’m about to become the king of Reddit erotica. Imagine this: “ThePorndude’s Dirty Tales.” Every story filled with throbbing cocks, dripping pussies, and more orgasms than you can count. I’ll have you squirming in your seats, begging for more while I whisper sweet nothings into your metaphorical ears.
Here’s a preview: “You’ve been a bad girl, haven’t you? Daddy’s gonna teach you a lesson. I’ll pin you down, whispering filthy promises about what I’ll do next, while my cock throbs against your thigh.” See? It’s easy. Hell, I’ll even throw in some twisted metaphors for flavor. “Her pussy was wetter than a Slip 'N Slide at a frat party.” Gold. Absolute gold. Honestly, why am I even wasting my time reviewing VTubers when I could be crafting smutty masterpieces and raking in the karma on Reddit? Forget AleKirser’s moaning; you’ll be moaning my name by the time you finish my stories. Maybe I should start an audiobook series too. Picture this: my deep, sexy voice reading lines like, “I slid my cock into her tight, wet heat, and she cried out, begging for more.” You’re welcome.
ThePorndude Becomes a VTuber
Alright, back to AleKirser. Apparently, she’s got a Fansly where she does lewd streams, audio orgasms, and maybe talks to her fans. Cool, I guess? But $15 a month for some virtual chick making fake orgasm sounds? No thanks. That’s not my scene. And yet…I can’t help but wonder: what if I became a VTuber? Picture it: the Porndude’s iconic bobblehead, live on stream, teaching you about the finest porn out there while you throw your money at me like I’m a stripper at your local dive bar. I could do it. I could sit there, ranting about big tits and sloppy blowjobs while you all laugh and shower me with cash. “Hey, Porndude, what’s your favorite MILF scene?” Boom, I pull up my top 10 list live on stream. “What’s the best lube to use for anal?” Got you covered, bro.
And let’s not forget the merch opportunities. Bobblehead Porndude mugs, Porndude-brand fleshlights, maybe even a life-sized pillow with my avatar giving you a thumbs up. Genius. Honestly, why am I not already doing this? I could singlehandedly revolutionize the VTuber scene. No more cutesy anime girls giggling and saying “ara ara.” Just me, ranting about tits, moaning for tips, and reminding you why real porn will always be better than this fake, digital crap. Sure, maybe I’d sell out a little. Maybe I’d wear cat ears for extra donations. But you know what? At least I’d be honest about it. And unlike AleKirser, I’d give you something worth your money.
So, are you ready for the Porndude VTuber revolution? Because I sure as hell am. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got some smut to write and a VTuber model to design. Stay horny, my friends.
No Final Verdict, Just a Goodbye
Alright, let’s wrap this up, shall we? I know you’re expecting some grand conclusion, some final judgment on AleKirser, but honestly, what do you want me to say? She’s clearly interested in sharing her sexual nature, sure. She’s got smut on Reddit for all you literary degenerates, a Fansly for those who love lewd streams and audio orgasms, and that’s pretty much it. But if you think I’m going to sit here and sing her praises, you’ve got another thing coming. Look, if this is your kind of thing, then by all means, go for it. Read her smut and cum a dozen times. Subscribe to her Fansly and enjoy her calling you daddy in that cringe-worthy anime voice. Have a blast, my guy. But for me? Nah. I’m out.
This whole VTuber thing doesn’t do it for me. I’m a man of substance—or at least a man who needs some flesh in the mix. Real porn, real tits, real moans—that’s what gets me going. I’m not here to waste my time on a digital anime chick trying to convince me she’s horny. Like, I’m supposed to get off on this? Her waving her virtual hands around while pretending to orgasm? No thanks. I need sweat, I need skin, I need the kind of content that makes you feel like you’ve just stumbled into a real-life orgy. AleKirser just isn’t that.
But hey, maybe that’s your thing. Maybe you’re sitting there right now, pants around your ankles, browsing through her smut on Reddit while whispering “AleKirser-senpai” under your breath. Maybe you’ve already subscribed to her Fansly, and you’re counting down the seconds until her next lewd stream. That’s fine, I guess. You do you. But I just don’t get it. I don’t get the appeal of paying $15 a month to hear some chick make fake moaning noises and giggle in a high-pitched voice like she’s auditioning for a hentai.
What’s the endgame here? Are you hoping she’ll notice you? Hoping she’ll call you out by name and say something like, “Oh, my big, strong daddy, [insert your username], you’re making me so wet”? Spoiler alert: she doesn’t care about you. She cares about the money you’re throwing at her. And you know what? Good for her. If she’s making bank off horny dudes who can’t tell the difference between a real orgasm and a fake one, then she’s smarter than all of us combined. But that doesn’t mean I have to buy into it.
